My name is searching
by viktriap
Summary: Regina decides not to kill Graham. But some things might be worse than death.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **

I talked about a few story ideas at the end of my first (and until now last) OUAT story. This is not one of those. I said that I wouldn't write romance but there will be some romance in this. So, nothing actually worked out as I predicted, but I simply couldn't get this story out of my head, so here it is.

Please, tell me what you think about it.

Also, I really could use a beta reader for this story. If someone feels like helping me out, please PM me. Thank you and enjoy!

The title comes from a song, My name by Shinedown. It's one of my favorites and it always makes me think of the Huntsman.

**Nothing is mine, of course.**

**Chapter 1.**

Graham's touches were gentle as he tended to the small cut in her eyebrow.

His eyes were still troubled, but he behaved calmer now. In the cemetery his erratic behavior had really frightened Emma. He seemed almost incoherent then. Now, he just looked heartbroken. And so adorable that when he stepped away, Emma felt the immense need to pull him back.

She smiled softly.

"What?" he asked with a similar smile.

She didn't say anything, just stepped closer and kissed him. He didn't hesitate to kiss back and it was the most gentle and still the most passionate kiss she has ever shared. His left hand caressed her face, while his other hand rested on her waist. It was a wonderful feeling to have him this close and Emma eased into his embrace.

Then suddenly he tensed up and staggered backwards.

"Graham?" Emma asked worriedly.

For a moment his eyes just stared into the distance vacantly, then he whispered as if talking to himself.

"I remember."

"Graham?" she tried to get his attention again and this time he looked at her.

His eyes were blown wide open and full of amazed wonder. As if just realizing that Emma was there too, he said again:

"I remember."

Emma tried to smile reassuringly but she felt it forced. She started to get scared for him again.

"What do you remember?"

He suddenly smiled brightly but Emma saw that his eyes were sparkling with tears. He stepped close to her, so that their lips were almost touching again.

"Thank you." he said with utter earnestness.

Emma didn't know what he was thanking her for but she bent into the kiss he was offering, eagerly.

And that was when he suddenly shuddered, gasped in pain and collapsed. It all happened in a second and he almost pulled Emma with him to the floor.

"Graham! Graham!" she dropped next to him, trying to rouse him, but he showed no reaction.

She checked his pulse, it was quicker and fainter than normal. Touching him Emma also realized that he was unnaturally hot, and she didn't understand how she didn't notice that before. He must have an extremely high fever, she noted.

It was against every instinct she had but Emma let go of Graham and went to call an ambulance.

ooo

Regina stood in her vault with the glowing heart in her palm.

This wasn't the first time she was seriously considering crushing it, but just like all the other times something held her back. Maybe there still was another solution. She still had some magic left – not the memory potion, she had used on Graham in this world before -, but there was something else. It might still kill the man, but there was a chance that he could remain useful for the future.

Holding the heart in her hand, she walked deeper into the underground chambers and came into a room, with crowded shelves around and a working bench in the middle. She took a bowl from one of the shelves and put the heart in it. Then she looked for the correct vial. The liquid in it was an ugly gray color, and when she uncorked the vial it emitted a rotting smell.

Without further hestitation, she poured all of it on the beating heart.

It was like a nightmare, really.

One moment, Emma thought that she just might let the walls down which she denied having but Mary Margaret was absolutely right about. The next moment she tried to keep the man, who cracked those aforementioned walls, alive.

ooo

Later, it was hard for her to remember how it all went down.

By the time she finished talking to the dispatcher, she was assured that the ambulance was on its way and she could go back to check on Graham, the man's pulse went terribly slow and erratic.

Touching him felt like touching a furnace and she was beating herself up about not noticing it sooner. His breathing was barely detectable and his whole body was trembling slightly. She sat on the floor and pulled his head onto her lap, that's how she waited for help to arrive.

The paramedics burst in about ten minutes later and both men got really grim after they checked out Graham. They quickly loaded him in their vehicle and didn't let Emma ride with them, saying that they needed the space.

So, she followed them in the patrol car and since then she was sitting in a waiting room, in a plastic chair.

An extremely long time later Doctor Whale came out from an examination room and walked up straight to Emma. She jumped up immediately.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Not well. I'm sorry but I don't think I can elaborate. You are not family."

"But he doesn't have family, does he?" Emma snapped.

Not that she was absolutely sure about that. As far as she knew Graham didn't have any family members but she hasn't been around that long.

"No, he doesn't, but he has an emergency contact. I already notified her…"

"You mean the mayor." Emma guessed.

"Of course, Deputy Swan." Regina's voice came from behind her. "Doctor." she greeted Whale, but looked at Emma with barely veiled animosity.

"Thank you for helping Graham, but now you can leave. I'm taking over from here."

"I'm not leaving." Emma said. "As his deputy, I need to know if Graham is all right or not."

Honestly, she needed to know that for other reasons more, but she wasn't about to talk about her feelings to Regina.

"I will officially notify you, when I know more." Regina declared. "I think we should take this somewhere private, Doctor Whale." she said turning to the doctor and the man led her away towards the offices.

Emma wasn't invited and she rationally knew that she had no real right to demand more information, she was too worried to leave, though. It was strange, really. She has been in this godforsaken town for a little over two months and she has been deputy not even four weeks and still it was as if she had known Graham a lot longer. The man simply got under her skin and she couldn't even explain why.

So, she sat back down and waited.

Regina came back almost an hour later and for a second – before she noticed that Emma was still there – Emma saw a strange, almost satisfied smile on her face. Their eyes locked and the smile vanished, being replaced with worry.

"I thought you would be back at the station by now." the mayor said.

"I told you I wanted to know about Graham. How is he?"

"He surely won't be back at work for a long time. He's very ill. I can't understand how you haven't noticed before."

"You haven't noticed it, either." There was no real heat in Emma's comment, because she felt too guilty about what happene. She really should have realized that something was wrong.

Regina scowled at her but then regained her composure.

"This is not the right time for being vindictive, Deputy. Doctor Whale thinks that Graham has encephalitis, that means his brain is inflamed. It is caused by some kind of infection, but they need more tests to determine what kind. His fever is over 107."

"What does all this mean?"

"They don't know yet. For now, they try to bring down his fever."

"Can I see him?" Emma asked and she hated how pitiful she sounded.

Regina shook her head.

"And before you shout at me, it's not me who forbids it. He's in ICU and Doctor Whale said he can't have visitors right now."

"I see. Would you call me when he's ready for visitors?"

To her honest surprise, Regina nodded and so Emma – despite all her misgivings – left the hospital.

ooo

Emma wasn't really expecting Regina to call her about Graham, so she checked in on him with Doctor Whale every day in the morning and in the afternoon. Every time the answer was that Graham's status was critical and – to avoid further infection – he couldn't have visitors. It was almost a full week later when she at last got a different answer. She actually dropped everything, closed down the Sheriff's station and rushed to the hospital immediately.

Doctor Whale was a little bit more talkative now, as obviously Regina was gracious enough to allow Emma to have some information.

"The sheriff has a very serious heart infection that actually caused inflammation in his brain as well. We did everything to keep his fever down, but it was a struggle. He seems to be stabilizing now, though. He's still in an ICU room, but you can go see him, but no longer than fifteen minutes and you have to wear a mask, and please, don't touch him in any way. We are keeping him under heavy sedation, so don't expect him to react to you."

Emma felt a bit overwhelmed as a nurse gave her a mask, plastic gloves and led her to a closed room.

Graham was the lone occupant of the room but he was surrounded by different kinds of medical equipments. To put it simply, he looked terrible. He was pale and sweaty, his curly hair stucking to his head wetly and he was constantly shivering. He was obviously unconscious but his eyes moved under his closed eyelids and when his whole body jerked, Emma almost jumped out of her skin. That was when he realized that Graham's wrists were in restrains.

The nurse was still in the room, checking the monitor.

"Are the restraints really necessary?" Emma asked her in a whisper. The nurse, her nametag said, Louise, smiled sympathetically.

"I'm sorry for that, but yes, it's necessary. He's quite calm now but he is prone to have quite violent nightmares, he's been trashing a lot, tore out his IV a few times. It's for his own protection."

Hearing her words, it downed on Emma how very sick Graham really was. It became frighteningly obvious that he easily could have died.

"But will he be all right?" she asked. She stunned herself how childlike she sounded but she couldn't pull it back.

"We hope so. He's temperature is still around 104, but that's much better than the 110 he piked to at one point."

"Thank you." Emma said sincerely.

"Talk to him, sometimes it calms him down if he hears a human voice." the nurse said and left.

Emma just stood at the bedside and watched Graham. She was at a loss as to what to tell him. They barely knew eachother after all. Emma couldn't even explain to herself why she was so worried about him. There was physical affection for sure. There was no denying that she found him hot as hell. He was also a genuinely nice guy, much nicer than any of Emma's former lovers. After working together for a few weeks Emma also found out that Graham was really hard-working and devoted to his job. There was actually much more to do in the Sheriff's Department than Emma anticipitated and there were also a few really tough situations in the past weeks and Graham always knew what to do, always knew what to say. The latter was kind of amazing, as otherwise – when not on the job – he could be a little bit awkward socially.

Then there was the issue with Regina, of course. Emma couldn't understand what Graham wanted from Regina, they had nothing in common. She had a suspicion that there was more behind this 'relationship' than what met the eye.

All in all, she really started to like Graham and that horrified her. The realization that the possibility of losing him scared her so much, scared her even more. She thought about it a lot during some sleepless nights this past week, and she had to admit that she could imagine a real relationship with Graham and that was a first since Neal.

She had a lot on her mind, she still didn't know what to say, so she just stood there and watched the unconscious man until the nurse came back and ushered her outside.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Thanks for the lovely reviews and thanks all those who read the first chapter. Here's the next one, let me know what you think.

I still don't have a beta and English isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes.

Read and enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

He woke up from some horrible dream in which he was bound by spiked branches and the more he struggled the more the spikes cut into his flesh. A scream was stuck in his throat but deep down he knew that there was no use in screaming, there never was.

He didn't know where he was and for a second he didn't know who he was, either. When his memories came back it was with a sudden rush and it was overwhelming.

He was the sheriff of a small town in Maine, but he was also a huntsman, imprisoned by an evil queen.

He was one of the wolves. He was a man in the law enforcement.

He had no human name. His name was Graham Humbert.

He worked for the mayor. He belonged to the Queen.

But he loved someone else. He loved Emma Swan.

It was too much and it was too hot and it was hard to breathe. He felt like he was drenched in sweat and when he tried to sit up, he realized that he was bound, not by branches but by some leather restraints, and the stinging in his arm wasn't caused by spikes, but by needles.

This was a hospital.

Or this was another punishment by Regina.

He couldn't decide which.

But the restraints were loose and with some maneuvering he managed to pull out his left hand. After that, it was easy to get out of all the restraints, even though all his limbs were trembling. Next, he pulled the needle from the crook of his elbow and an other one from the back of his hand and stood on shaky legs.

He had to get out of here. He had to escape. That was his only clear thought.

Everything else was a blur, so he tried to empty his mind of the memories of two different persons, two different lives and concentrated on the simple act of getting out of here.

He moved quietly and shut down the monitor that stood next to the bed, before he pulled the sensors from his chest and from his finger. He was wearing pajama pants, but other than that he was without clothes, not that it mattered much.

He sneaked to the door and peeked outside. The corridor was dark and empty, but at the end he could make out the nurses' desk, with a tall male nurse mending it right now. That didn't matter, either. It was actually better. He might need to hit this guy, but he wouldn't be able to hit a woman.

The male nurse was showing his back and he didn't seem to hear anything. Graham slithered out of the room and started down the corridor as sneakily as he could move. The nurse was watching TV, and Graham almost got to the door without being noticed but in the last minute the nurse turned and stared at Graham with a stunned expression.

"Hey, are you all right?" he asked.

Graham froze down for a second. He felt dizzy, sweat was flowing down his face, into his eyes and he was trembling. But the nurse was coming out from behind the counter and though his hands were held up in a placating gesture, Graham saw him as a definite threat to his escape.

"You're in the hospital. Let me help you!"

The man now stood between Graham and the door. He had to get out of here.

Graham made an instinctive noise, the sign of threat in his native language, the language of the wolves, but the nurse of course didn't realize the danger he was in, he came even closer. Graham crouched and then jumped the other man. They crashed into the wall, the nurse's head banged into the wall, and then Graham punched him twice. The man collapsed without further noise. Graham let go of him, then ran outside.

The woods started just behind the hospital and that was where he was going.

ooo

Emma arrived at the station somewhat late and as soon as she dropped down in her seat, the phone started to ring.

"Sheriff's Department" she answered it somewhat absent-mindedly, thinking about all the things she had to do during the day.

"This is Doctor Whale."

Emma dropped the pen she was holding and jumped up.

"There was an incident at the hospital" the doctor was saying but the only thing Emma could think about was Graham's sick appearance. "We need your help here. The sheriff…"

"I'm on my way" she cut into the doctor's words and rushed out without closing the door.

She arrived at the hospital extra-quickly and without asking anyone hurried to the ICU. Doctor Whale, another man who looked like a doctor too, two nurses and Regina were already there.

"What happened?" Emma asked without wasting time on greetings.

"It seems that the sheriff …" Doctor Whale started but Regina cut into his words.

"Graham woke up, attacked the nurse on duty and then vanished" she said.

"When did this happen?"

"Some time during the night, they found the nurse at six in the morning when the daytime staff arrived."

"And why haven't you called me until now?" Emma snapped at Whale. It was already past nine. Graham could be anywhere. "Forget it, where's the nurse he attacked? And I need to see the security tapes."

"Yes, of course" Whale mumbled, obviously chastised. "Nurse Bailey is in the ER, his head needed stitches. I'll talk to maintanace to prepare the tape."

"I'm going to talk to the nurse" Emma said.

"And I'm going with you" Regina declared.

"This is a police investigation" Emma didn't feel like dealing with Regina right now.

"I'm the mayor, head of the town's council and the sheriff is under the council's supervision. I'm taking part in this investigation whether you like it or not" Regina said and started off towards the ER.

"I'm coming too" the other doctor who was quiet until now, said and Emma looked at him irritated.

"And who the hell are you?"

"I'm Doctor Skinner. Head of the psychiatry" he said. "There are a few questions about the sheriff's mental state. You might need my help if you find him."

"You mean when I find him" Emma corrected.

"Yes, of course."

Emma puffed out some air, then shrugged. She had more important things to do than arguing.

The nurse was actually a guy twice Emma's size but he seemed quite shaken as he was sitting on an examination table, with a gauze around his forehead.

"I asked him if he was all right" the nurse was explaining what had happened. "He looked confused, like he didn't know where he was. I stepped out from behind the counter and tried to calm him down. I tried to explain to him that he was at the hospital. Then he jumped me and punched me out. I don't remember anything else."

"He jumped you." Emma repeated sarcastically. "The last time I saw him, he was very sick and you are a big guy."

"Why do you think I became a nurse? I've never hit anyone in my life. And to be honest he was kind of scary. He growled at me."

Emma looked at him skeptically.

"So, you didn't see him leave."

"No, I didn't."

"Thanks. That's it for now, I guess."

Emma said and looked around for Doctor Whale. He was waving at them, and when they joined him he led them into a back room. Leroy was there, who Emma knew by now quite well as he was a constant guest at the station.

"Hey, Deputy." he greeted her with his usual frown.

"Leroy." she nodded at him. "Do you have the recording?"

"Yeah, I found it."

He pushed a few buttons and then Emma could see the corridor and nurse Bailey at the counter. Then Graham slithered out of his room at the other end of the corridor. He was wearing only pajama pants, nothing else, his hair stood in every possible direction and he looked around like he was expecting attack. Then he started toward the exit.

Considering his appearance and sickness he should have looked vulnerable, but he didn't. He moved with purpose and grace, he reminded Emma of a hunting cat. He was almost at the exit when the nurse turned. Emma couldn't see Graham's face but his whole body tensed like wire before snapping. The nurse didn't realize the danger he was in, but Emma had seen desperate people before and she recognized the posture. It happened as the nurse told, Graham simply jumped the other man and punched him out, then he left.

"The woods start behind the hospital" Emma repeated what she already knew from when John Doe - David - disappeared from the hospital. "I guess that's the place he went to."

"Probably someone would have reported a half-naked man running around in town, by now" Leroy commented.

"Shut up." Emma simply said and ran her fingers through her hair.

If Graham disappeared into the forest, it won't be easy to find him. Graham knew the woods, Emma didn't.

"We need someone who knows their way around the forest, someone who knows how to track." Emma said.

Everyone looked at her puzzled, then Regina said.

"The only one I can think of is actually Graham himself."

ooo

Graham ran as far as adrenaline took him, then he stumbled forward. He didn't notice when his soles started to bleed or that he was trembling so hard that his teeth were chattering. He didn't feel his own weakness.

He knew where he was going. There were a few caves around here and he could hole up in one of those until he healed up enough to think about what to do.

When his legs gave out, it actually surprised him. He fell to his knees and then he simply couldn't get up.

His head was throbbing and sweat was trickling down his neck and his back. The trees around him seemed to be rippling and he felt dizzy. He was swaying for a bit, then fell to the side and blacked out.

ooo

Emma knew that she looked somewhat disheveled, but she couldn't really care right now.

After watching the records at the hospital, she went out into the forest. Doctor Skinner, Regina and even Leroy joined her and they spent hours looking for signs but other than finding a few broken branches they had no result. She couldn't even be sure that those branches were broken by Graham or by some kind of animal or just the wind.

The forest seemed infinite at that moment and looking around she felt dark despair. Graham might know the wilderness under normal circumstances but he was ill now and probably not in his right mind. Spending a cold autumn night in the forest could be fatal for him, Doctor Skinner definitely thought so.

She didn't want to leave because that seemed like abandoning Graham but on the other hand they definitely needed help.

"We need to organize a search-party" she said aloud, trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

"I'll recruit a few people in the hospital" Doctor Skinner said immediately.

Emma glimpsed at her watch.

"Let's meet in front of the hospital in ninety minutes." she decided. "If you have any flashlights, please, bring those too."

Doctor Skinner nodded and then started back towards the hospital building.

"I probably can send out a few people from the town hall." Regina said. "And you should go to Granny's. It's almost dinner time, there will be a lot of people there."

Emma nodded, then both women got in their own cars and drove back to the town-centre.

ooo

When he woke up he felt wetness on his face and that was a feeling he knew well. He opened his eyes and stared into his wolf-brother's face. The white wolf was sitting over him, his tongue hanging out, obviously in the middle of licking him again, but he stopped when he saw that his human was waking up.

Graham opened his mouth to speak but what came out was a pathetic moan. His head still hurt and he was still shivering, but looking up at the sun he could also see that he wasn't out for long, not even half an hour.

He sat up and the wolf licked his face again, happier this time. Graham hugged the animal's body and breathed in the familiar scent of his fur and listened to the rhythmical, calming heartbeat. They stayed that way for a long moment and it really helped to ground Graham in the here and now. His thoughts and memories were still scrambled but he could close them out to concentrate on what he had to do.

"We need a place to hide and some provisions." he said more to himself but the wolf listened to him, clearly interested.

He needed water and maybe something to eat. He looked around to determine where he was exactly then started off towards the wishing well. The wolf walked close to his legs and when he swayed the animal's body provided a steady support.

The first thing he did when he arrived at the fount, was drinking. The second thing was, throwing up the water he drank. He stood for a while, with his hands on his knees, doubled forward, trying to stay vertical, while the wolf was looking at him with obvious worry.

He had no idea what was wrong with him, whether it was physical or magical. He suspected though that Regina had something to do with it, either way.

He knew one thing for sure: his memories came back when Emma kissed him. She broke his curse. He knew enough of curses - being around Queen Regina, he learned more about magic than he has ever wanted to - to realize what that meant. She was his true love. He felt the attachment to her since the moment he first saw her that evening, when she brought Henry back to Storybrooke and the feeling grew and grew until he couldn't stop himself anymore and kissed her. The feeling was maybe still growing and that honestly frightened him.

He shook his head and tried to straightened up. He managed, though the world tilted on its axis for a moment. He closed his eyes and concentrated on taking deep breathes.

He would have time to think about his feelings later. He needed to prioritize and not get lost in thoughts that led nowhere, because he might feel true love for Emma but he remembered what Regina told about that once: true love wasn't always mutual.

He stumbled around the clearing and collected some stronger vines, then he tore down the canvas over the well. That was town's property, a tiny voice whispered in his head but right now he didn't worry about truculency. He tore the canvas into a bigger and a few smaller pieces. Using the vines he made a bag and two smaller pouches. The smaller ones he lined up with leaves and filled them up with water. Then he walked around again and collected as many edible plants and berries into the bag as he could.

He found some sage, that he could use to decrease his fever. He collected those too. The caves were barely a mile north from the well, still by the time he carried everything there, he was panting and felt nauseated again. He needed to sit down a bit, and the wolf immediately nuzzled up to his side. He petted his friend's head until his breathing turned back to normal, then he continued working by collecting leaves and moss to make a bed in the back of the small cave.

He should have collected some firewood too, but when the bed was ready it was too tempting. He was trembling again and the cave around him was swimming in and out of focus. He drank a few gulps of water and chewed on a pile of sage, then he nestled into the bed of leaves. he felt the warm body of the wolf snuggling up to him, but in a few moments he dropped off to a restless sleep.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **

Previous warnings still stand.

I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed or favorited this story, those messages really make my day every time and make me want to write more.

I wrote this chapter in quite a hurry, so there might be even more mistakes than usual, sorry for those.

Anyway, read and enjoy, I hope you still like it. Let me know what you think about it.

**Chapter 3**

Granny's Diner was really quite full when Emma arrived there but as soon as she stepped inside everyone stopped speaking and the clinging of silverware stopped too. It seemed that the town's people already heard what had happened. Not that it surprised Emma much.

"All right people" she started after stopping in the middle. "I guess you have already heard what happened. Sheriff Humbert has gone missing. He's sick and lost in the forest. I need volunteers who are ready to help in the search. Tell your friends and relatives, because we need as many people as possible. The meeting is at the hospital at 5 p.m., bring warm clothes, water and flashlights. Be prepared to be out there the whole night. That's it people, thank you."

She had to go back to the station, find some maps if possible (she remembered seeing some in Graham's office) and come up with a plan. At the door though she was stopped by Archie Hopper.

"Are you sure he's lost in the woods?" he asked.

"That's my best guess."

"He knows the forest quite well, better than anyone else in town I suspect. I saw him go for runs there often. And when Derek Potts got missing a month ago, the sheriff found him in the woods in only a few hours."

Emma didn't get happier hearing that.

"Well, maybe he's not lost. Maybe, he's hiding. At the hospital I was told that he ... well, that he wasn't necessary in his right mind."

"I see. I'll go home and get Pongo. He might be able to help us." Archie said. "He likes the sheriff. Bring something with you that belongs to him, will you?"

"That's a good idea, thank you."

Back at the station she found a map of the woods that showed - due to its cover - every tourist-route around Storybrooke. She made some counting and divided the area into segments that could be covered in a few hours. She just hoped there would be enough volunteers to manage the huge territory.

As it turned she didn't need to worry about that. When she got the hospital it seemed that the whole town was there waiting for her instructions. Most people were properly dressed for hiking and had backpacks on their shoulders.

Most of them Emma didn't know at all. Mary-Margaret was there, of course. She was standing with Ruby and her grandmother and she waved at Emma with an encouraging smile when their eyes met. Even Leroy was there who probably wasn't the biggest fan of Graham.

Spending all her life in cities where people could live in the same building for years and remain strangers, this act of solidarity seemed alien to Emma but it was also surprisingly touching. She gulped the lump in her throat.

Regina was there too, of course with a group of people Emma has never seen before, probably those who worked under her at town's hall. For once, she was dressed casually but she still looked aristocratic. She joined Emma as soon as she got out of the patrol car.

"Do you have any plans?" she asked in her usual harsh manner.

"Yes, I do."

Regina clearly wanted to tell something else but Emma jumped onto the stairs leading up to the hospital's entrance and spoke to the crowd.

"Okay, people, thanks for coming. This is how it goes, please make groups of four or five. Then I give every group a map and show which area they should search. Make sure you have your cell phone and I'll give my number to everyone. If some groups don't have cell phones I have a few walkie-talkies. If you find the sheriff let me know immediately."

If looks could kill she would have probably died a thousand different deaths from the way the mayor was looking at her but when she finished and people started to make up the required groups, Regina stepped up to her again.

"I'm going with you and that's not up for discussion."

Emma sighed but nodded then looked for Archie and Doctor Skinner. She waved both men to herself. Archie, as promised, had his dog with him, too.

"I want you two with me." she said and both men agreed.

It took some time to assign the routes but everyone was patient and dedicated to the job ahead. When only the four of them remained Emma pulled a T-shirt from her trunk. She found it at the station and it belonged to Graham. She chose the most possible route for themselves, the one that started at the backdoor of the hospital.

They picked up their own backpacks and started off into the woods.

ooo

_The guards dragged him down some corridors but he couldn't really concentrate on his surroundings. His chest ached with a burning pain and it was like he still had the hand inside his body. It was the most horrifying experience he has ever had. After some time they stopped in front of a huge, ornate door. One guard opened it and he was pushed inside, into a dark room. He fell and immediately curled into a ball, both of his hands grasping at his chest where normally he would have been able to feel his heart beating. _

_There was nothing now. _

_His breathing was hitching and he closed his eyes to calm himself down a bit. He had no idea what to expect now, what the Queen would want to do with him but he guessed he was in for nothing good._

_He had no idea how much time went by, when the door was banged open, the Queen walked in and all the candles in the room and the torches on the walls flared up. Though he still was shivering with shock, the Huntsman pulled himself up as quickly as he could, and stood on wobbling legs. _

_The Queen looked at him with an almost appreciating smile. _

"_You are a tough one, aren't you, my pet? Getting your heart ripped out isn't easy on the human body. I didn't think you would be able to stand up on your own so soon after it happened."_

_She circled him, inspecting him from every angle and it all felt like the Huntsman was some interesting object on display. He cautiously followed the woman with his eyes considering his options. _

"_You still think you can escape, I guess." she said. "Maybe I should show you right now that I have much more power over you than the squeezing of your heart."_

_She flicked a finger and immediately, an invisible force tossed the Huntsman against the wall. It was like he was hit by a bull or some equally huge and strong animal. He was pinned to the wall and unable to move. Maybe this was how a fly felt like in the spider's web. He fought against the hold with all his power but didn't manage more than raise his hand a few inches. All the while the Queen was smiling at him with a predatory smile. _

_Then she raised her hand again and he was torn from the wall without getting the power back over his body. He was dropped onto the floor, his head banging against the marble floor so hard that he got dizzy for a moment. He almost didn't notice that the force was gone but when he did, he tried to stand up again. He was trembling from head to toe and he only managed to get to his knees.. _

"_What do you want with me?" he asked hoarsely, looking up at his captor._

"_Oh, I have a lot of plans with you. I think you can serve me in many ways." she said, smiling._

_She stepped close to him and patted his head. He jerked it away, but the force was suddenly back, keeping him immobile once more. Her fingers tightened in his hair, pulling harshly and turning his head so that he was looking at her face. _

"_You can fight me as hard as you want, but you won't achieve anything. You will realize that soon enough."_

_The most frightening thing was how calmly, how matter-of-factly she said all this. _

"_Stand up!"_

_She ordered and he did, though not really on his own will. _

"_Now, undress! I'd like to see what I got for myself." _

_Her next order came and he looked at her with honest horror. _

"_No." the word burst out of him in a strangled whisper._

_The Queen didn't touch him, still, he was slapped, or more like punched in the face by the same magical force that kept him immobile. It was such a hard strike, that his head jerked to the right and he saw double for a second. _

"_You will have to learn to obey me or you will be in for a lot of pain, my dear." the Queen said coldly. "You obviously have the misconception that you have a choice in this, but let me tell you that you really don't."_

_She raised her hand casually and his shirt was ripped from his body and was flung aside. _

"_Now, take off your pants, too."_

_He still hesitated but when the Queen's hand flickered again he quickly started to unlace his pants. He moved slowly but deliberately. He dropped the pants then stepped out of them, staring at the floor the whole time. He instinctively wanted to cover himself, at least with his hands, if there was nothing else, but he also didn't want to show how humiliating he found the situation, so he got himself to raise his head and look the Queen in the eyes._

_She was measuring him up, a smile of satisfaction on her face. _

"_I knew there was something worthy under that rough exterior." she stated. "You will satisfy me quite well."_

_There was nothing to misunderstand in that statement as she was looking straight at his most private parts._

"_You can't force me into that." he said, but with much less conviction than before._

"_Didn't I give you proof enough? I can and I will, my pet."_

Graham jerked awake from the nightmare (_memory_) and gasped for air. He felt a phantom pain in his chest, the memory of his heart being ripped out fresh and horrible. He felt his heartbeat, his too quick pulse but he knew it wasn't his true heart that was pumping the blood, it was just a shadow.

Past and present was still mixed up in his head when he heard growling from outside, then whines of another animal - a dog - and then human shouting.

Without thinking clearly - it didn't seem that clear thinking was anywhere in sight in his near future - he staggered to his feet and rushed out of the cave.

The scene he ran into wasn't something he was prepared for.

His wolf brother stood in front of the cave in a threatening crouch, his teeth bared at the four people and one dog.

The dog had his tail between his legs and was hiding behind his master, Archie Hopper.

Graham's breathing hitched when he realized that Regina was there, with one of her most loyal servants at her side. His brain provided that the man was a doctor in this world, they met before both at the hospital and at the town's hall, because he was in on the town's council too. But in the old world he was Regina's executioner and master torturer and Graham had quite a few very unpleasant meetings with him there, too.

But seeing them wasn't what made his blood freeze. It was seeing Emma Swan, with her service weapon drawn and aimed at the wolf's head.

"No!"

He tried to shout but it came out hoarse and strangled, as he stepped exactly in the line of possible fire.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note:

First of all, I wanted to thank everybody who reviewed or favovirted this, those who are now following the story and everybody who's reading. I'm also sorry this took so long but I have to warn you that I'm a very slow writer. But this is a slightly longer chapter, so I hope that makes up for the delay.

I hope you enjoy and I hope it's not very confusing but Graham is in a very confused state of mind and tried to reflect that.

**Chapter 4**

Emma couldn't be sure that Pongo picked up Graham's scent but the dog was obviously leading them somewhere and they had no other options, so they followed. Pongo pushed his nose against the ground, wagged his tail excitedly then looked back at his master once and started off into the forest. He repeated this little dance many times as they progressed, until they arrived at a rockier terrain where Emma could see cave entrances behind the trees.

Emma heard the leaves rustling and then Pongo whined and she could see the dog backing out from behind the trees. His tail was between his legs and he cowered behind Archie's legs.

A second later another animal followed the dog and at first Emma thought that it was a dog too, but then she realized that it wasn't. It was a wolf, in Emma's opinion the same wolf that caused her accident the first day she arrived in Storybrooke.

The wolf didn't seem very friendly. Its teeth were bared and it was growling solidly. Emma felt as all the others stepped backwards and she did too, but at the same time she pulled her gun out. She wasn't sure she wanted to shoot the animal - _and weren't wolves endangered?_ - , but she might need to do it in self-defense.

"Shoot it" Regina whispered behind her.

Emma's finger twitched on the trigger as the wolf crouched, obviously preparing for attack. Just then another figure burst out from behind the trees and stepped between Emma and the wolf. It was Graham, and Emma instinctively eased her grip on the weapon. Graham was dirty, he looked sick and he was still only wearing the hospital pajama-pants. His eyes moved wildly from one person to another in their small group, lingering a bit longer on Doctor Skinner. He didn't seem to realize the danger he was in.

Emma tried to sidestep Graham so that she could have the animal in fire's range again, but Graham followed her every move.

"Graham, please, there's a wolf..." she started quietly trying to sound calm and not aggravate the animal, but Graham cut her off in a hoarse whisper.

"Don't hurt him."

"What?" Emma stared at him not really comprehending what he was talking about.

"He won't hurt you" Graham said.

"Deputy, do something!" Regina's imperious voice came from behind them but Emma concentrated on Graham who threw a quick - and kind of fearful - look at the mayor.

"I'll send him away" he sputtered. "I'll send him away. Don't hurt him. Don't let her hurt him."

He dropped to his knees abruptly, turning towards the animal but still making sure to cover it with his own body.

"Graham don't!" Emma shouted at him forgetting everything about being cautious. She could already see in his mind eye the wolf burying its teeth into Graham's neck. She could hear Archie gasp behind her and Doctor Skinner gave out a surprised noise too. To her absolute amazement though, nothing terrible happened. Graham practically hugged the wolf and it seemed as if he were whispering something into the animal's ear and the wolf seemed to calm down and actually listen.

When did Graham turn into some magical wolf-whisperer, Emma wondered, remembering how Graham insisted a few weeks ago that there were no wolves around Storybrooke. She still didn't lower her gun, but she didn't think that she would be able to use it.

She heard the wolf whining quietly, but it - he, as Graham alluded to the animal - didn't sound wild or angry anymore, he sounded sad and worried to Emma, very expressive, actually. Then the wolf turned and disappeared into the woods, quick as lightening.

Graham straightened up and looked at Emma, but then he staggered. Both Emma and Doctor Skinner stepped forward to keep him steady. When the doctor touched his arm, Graham went so pale that Emma thought he would pass out then and there, but he didn't. Instead, he pushed the psychiatrist away harshly.

"No..." he whispered, his eyes going wide. "Don't touch me! You belong with her..."

"I'm a doctor from the hospital and you are sick. We are here to help you." Skinner said, his body-language entirely non-threatening, his voice quiet and calm.

"I don't need help!" Graham raised his voice, still looking at Skinner like he was the enemy. His statement was a bit weakened by the fact that he swayed again.

"It doesn't seem so to me." Doctor Skinner said.

"I don't need help _from you_." Graham clarified.

Emma heard the fear behind the venom in his voice and she stepped in.

"You can't stay out here in the forest, though." She said. "You have a fever. You have no clothes and it's cold out here. You also need medicine."

"I'm not going with him." Graham said. "Or her." He pointed at Regina.

"Okay, but would you come with me?" Emma asked. He looked at her, hesitant, but he didn't say no.

"Archie" Emma addressed the psychologist without taking her eyes from Graham. "There's a windbreaker in my backpack and a pair of shoes. Could you get them out?"

"Yes, of course." A moment later Archie joined her side with the pieces of clothes. Graham looked at the other man suspiciously, but took the offered jacket from him.

"I don't know who you are." He mumbled under his nose.

"I'm Doctor Hopper. Archie. You know me, my office is opposite the station."

Graham pulled on the windbreaker, then took the trainees and sat down on a rock to pull those on too.

"I know that. I just don't know who you really are." He said, trying to tie the shoelaces with which he had some trouble, because his hands were trembling too hard.

"What do you mean?" Archie asked but Graham didn't answer and didn't look up.

Doctor Skinner stepped closer and though Graham still didn't look up from the shoes, he visibly tensed.

The doctor opened his own pack and had a stethoscope in hand.

"I'd like to check your vitals, Mr. Humbert. Do you allow me to do that?"

"No."

"I won't hurt you, I promise. I'll just listen to your heart and breathing. Check your temperature." The doctor sounded reassuring but clearly not reassuring enough to Graham.

"No!" He jumped up abruptly and started to back away from them. "I remember you. I know what you are capable of." He looked at Regina then, and continued, even more agitated. "I remember everything now... I don't know why you didn't kill me, but no matter what you plan I won't let you control me anymore... I know where my heart is..." His breathing became harsh and he was trembling even more now.

"You are making no sense, Graham." Regina said calmly and Emma had to agree. His words came out in a quick stutter, and he obviously was back at the delusion about his missing heart.

"Nothing makes sense." Graham said and rubbed his forehead furiously. "There are too many memories. Please, can't you leave me alone? I need to think about this. I need to get my heart back... this is too much..." his speech turned into unintelligible mumbling and when he started to hit his forehead instead of just rubbing it, Emma jumped in and grabbed his arm.

She expected him to feel as hot as that night at the station, because he was obviously delirious, but to her surprise she didn't feel the furnace-like heat radiating from his body.

"Sit down, Graham." He didn't pull away and let himself be led to the rock where she made him sit and then waved at Doctor Skinner. She could feel that his whole body was trembling slightly, but other than that, he was suddenly unresponsive, staring ahead without even blinking.

When the doctor crouched next to him, Graham didn't react. His eyes were vacant now and he seemed to be lost in his mind. Doctor Skinner moved his fingers in front of Graham's eyes but he didn't react to that, either.

"He's a bit warm, but his fever doesn't seem to be too high now." Skinner said, after he checked Graham's forehead, then he listened to his chest.

"Then why was he talking nonsense?" Regina asked, unconsciously echoing Emma's thoughts.

"There can be many causes for that, but I probably shouldn't diagnose him in the forest."

"I think we are not far from the Wishing Well." Archie spoke up. "The road to that is passable by car."

"I'll call in at the hospital and ask them to send out an ambulance, then."

ooo

The memories were overwhelming, there were too many and they all were too vivid, each one demanding center stage in his mind. He tried to explain but everything was too confusing and then he couldn't push back anymore. One moment he was in the forest with Emma and the others, the next...

_"Why are you doing this to yourself?"_

_The Queen was as magnificently dressed as ever, her hair in perfect braids, so she looked very out of place here in the dungeons. Not like the Huntsman himself, he fit in here perfectly. He has spent the last two days down here, practically hanging by the chains around his wrists, his feet barely touching the ground. _

_He would have answered the question if he had enough breath for speaking. He wasn't doing anything to himself, __**she**__ was doing all the work. And her master torturer, Lord Garren - who gained his lordship from the Queen for being the most cruel man in the realm - and who was now standing behind his Mistress with a satisfied grin on his gaunt face. _

_"Do you feel like telling me something?" the Queen asked next. _

_The Huntsman opened his eyes which were squeezed shut until now and tried to convey some level of defiance as he shook his head. She wanted him to apologize. He knew that he would do that, eventually - they've played this game many times before. _

_She gave him an order she knew he wouldn't be able to carry out. Then she punished him for disobeying and the punishment lasted or repeated itself until he apologized or until she felt satisfied. There were times though when he had to stick to his morals or else he would lose an even bigger part of himself irreversibly. That meant he had to keep up his defiance as long as humanly possible._

_"We need to continue, then." She said and looked almost sad, though her eyes were glinting with amusement. She put a hand on his face, her touch gentle, not like the magic she used. The Huntsman's body went rigid at the feeling of the magical force. She was healing the wounds on his back, making the skin unblemished again. It didn't mean the pain or the weakness went away, it just meant that his body wouldn't bear the signs of permanent damage. _

_"Lord Garren, please go on. I'll be back in the morning." _

_With that the Queen left, and Garren stepped forward. _

_"Her Majesty is very generous to you, Huntsman. I suppose she wouldn't want Her plaything to have scars all over."_

_He tilted his head and looked at the Huntsman thoughtfully, then he walked to the lever on the wall. The chain was hooked through a ring in the ceiling, its end was attached to the lever on the wall, with which it could be shortened or lengthened by torture master. This time he pulled it upwards, so the chains pulled the prisoner's shoulder up and backwards, into an almost unnatural position. The Huntsman groaned in pain, he couldn't have screamed even if he wanted to, as this position put even more strain on his breathing. _

_Sweat was coursing down his face and into his eyes, which he tried to blink away with not much success. Garren moved out of sight but he could hear him rummaging around. The Huntsman knew that he was looking for the next device of torture. The Huntsman would find out soon enough what that would be._

_"You know, I always enjoy our sessions." Garren's voice came from very close, then he felt the torturer's hand on his back. _

_He tried to flinch away but the chains didn't let him, the movement just hurt his shoulder even more._

_"There are no expectations. I don't have to get answers from you in a limited timeframe. I can experiment and I don't have to worry about killing you, because Her Majesty heals you long before that every time."_

_Garren then came around and held up the object in his hand. _

_"I made this a few weeks ago but haven't used it yet. I hope you appreciate the honor."_

_The Huntsman snorted at that but it didn't deter the master torturer. _

_"I twined metal spheres into every tail, five in each." Garren explained. _

_The object was a whip but not like the regular one that the Huntsman was kind familiar with. This one had three tails, each about 30 inches long, and really, in every tail five small metal balls were twined. It looked vicious. _

_"Barber!" the sudden shout made the Huntsman flinch again. Garren's aid came in quickly. _

_Barber was a young, tall and muscular man, strong as a bull but somewhat dense. He could yield a whip for hours without losing force or swing. When they met in the castle corridors, he always smiled at the Huntsman, open and friendly but that never stopped him from taking active part in the other man's punishments._

_"Let's see how it works." Garren said and gave the device to Barber who stepped behind the prisoner and the first hit landed a second later._

He was propelled out of the memory, the pain in his back and shoulder livid. The lights were harsh and white and there were people around him. He moved before his mind could come up with an answer about where he was and what was happening.

ooo

Graham woke up just as the paramedics were laying him down on the examination table. Waking up wasn't the best term for what was happening as Graham hadn't exactly been sleeping before. He jackknifed into a sitting position, then slipped from the bed before anyone could make a move.

There were a lot of people in the room: Whale, Skinner, two nurses, the two paramedics, Archie, Regina and Emma herself. No one paid attention to sending the civilians out of the room until now, but the crowd right now didn't help Graham. He looked around frightened, then made a move for the exit.

"Graham, stop!" Emma shouted and it actually worked for a second because the man froze in mid-step at her voice.

Then all hell broke loose as the two paramedics used the opportunity to grab him. Graham fought them violently and effectively, punching one in the face, the other in the stomach. One of the nurses shouted out the door for help, while Whale and even Archie joined the recovering paramedics in trying to subdue Graham.

Emma just watched on helplessly as two orderlies came in and after some more struggling, the hospital personnel managed to put Graham on the examination table. He was giving out incoherent and almost inhuman sounds, like growling, reminding Emma of the wolf they've just met in the woods.

The orderlies strapped his wrists and ankles to the bed but he kept on struggling. Skinner stood at his head and tried to make him focus with calm words but without much success.

"5 mgs diazepam." He told the nurses and one of them put a syringe in the doctor's hand in just seconds.

The content of it was quickly injected into Graham's neck and Skinner stepped away waiting for it to take effect. Skinner looked at all the people in the room, then.

"Please leave. Mr. Humbert needs a non-threatening setting to calm down and we need that too, to evaluate him. So, please all of you, wait outside. I'll inform you when we know something."

The orderlies, the paramedics and Archie left immediately.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Emma asked.

"Brain damage."

"Psychosis."

Whale and Skinner said at the same time. None of those answers made Emma worry less. She glimpsed at Regina and for a millisecond the mayor seemed to be smiling, but then she turned and left the room and Emma couldn't do anything else, than follow.

ooo

Whatever they have given him, it actually helped some. The memories faded a bit and he could see now how crazy he must have looked for the others. On the other hand, the tranquillizer (it must have been some kind of tranquillizer he was given) made the world fuzzy.

He was strapped down, and Skinner was sitting on a chair at his bedside. The head of the bed was elevated some, so he could see that Whale was there too, but stood back into one corner.

"Can you tell me who you are?" Skinner asked in an even tone.

"I'm... Graham. Graham Humbert."

"And do you know where you are?"

"In the hospital. Of Storybrooke."

"That's very good Mr. Humbert. Now let's talk about what happened earlier."

Graham looked away at that. He didn't think that was such a good idea, because honestly he wasn't sure what happened and his mind was too confused to come up with coherent lies.

"Where did you think you were when you woke up here?"

"I don't know." He shuddered involuntary.

"I think you do, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Graham chewed on his lower lip. This version of Garren - Skinner - was very different, but Graham was sure that no matter which world they were in, the man couldn't be trusted.

"In the woods you said, you remembered who you were. What did you mean by that?"

"Nothing... I meant nothing."

He pulled at the straps unconsciously.

"You still look anxious and tense. Dr. Whale, would you get me another 4 mgs of diazepam?"

"I don't need more drugs. I'm fine now, really. I ... it must have been the fever. Emma said in the forest that I had a fever. I was just confused from the fever..."

He knew, he was rambling and that probably didn't convince Skinner that he was really all right. Whale was already there with a syringe.

"It's okay. This will calm you down. You will feel relaxed and then we can talk."

This time the doctor administered the injection into his arm. Soon enough Graham started to feel like his head was filling up with cotton.

"When you woke up here, you thought you were in danger. Why?" Skinner asked.

"You hurt me often enough." Graham said. He didn't want to, it just came out and he was too out of it to really care.

"I don't think we know each other that well. Why would I have hurt you?"

"Because Regina ordered it."

"Mayor Mills?"

"Mayor... Queen... it doesn't matter." His words were slurred.

"Why would Mayor Mills want to hurt you?"

"I'm hers... to order. My heart..."

He bit down on his tongue hard. Even in his current state he realized that talking about his heart to a psychiatrist was the worst idea possible.

"You mentioned your heart in the forest too. You said, you knew where it was. Isn't it in your chest?"

Graham shook his head vehemently.

"I would be dead then, wouldn't I?"

"Obviously, yes. Do you feel like the mayor is controlling you?"

"She's controlling everything..." he avoided looking at the doctor. "She's the mayor."

"But she does have a special control over you, doesn't she?"

"What... what do you mean?" It seemed like Skinner knew something. _Was this another trick by Regina? _

"She's doing this to me." He whispered. "This is not real. None of this is real."

He started to pull at the restraints but there was no real strength behind it. The doctor looked at him sympathetically.

"You know it, don't you?" Graham asked him.

"What do you think I know?" Skinner asked.

"That this... this is not the real world... that you are not a real psychiatrist..."

"Who do you think I am, Mr. Humbert?"

"The master ... torturer... her most loyal servant..."

"Is that so?"

This was bad, really bad. Graham saw as the two doctors looked at each other. He was talking nonsense, sounding crazier by the second, but he was incapable of stopping. Skinner probably didn't know anything, he was just poking around, trying to find out about Graham's 'delusions'.

"No.. I mean... no, of course not. You are a doctor." He tried to backtrack but it wasn't working.

"Rest now." Skinner said and stood. "We will talk some more, later."

"I... when can I go home?" Graham had to ask.

"We will talk about that later, too." Skinner just said and left with Whale on his heels.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note:

**There are some spoilers in these chapter for the second season, so beware.**

I have to tell you that I stopped watching the second season after episode 18. So I'm not sure what happened after that and for this reason I might deviate from canon.

I hope you still enjoy! Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think about it!

**Chapter 5.**

They didn't let Emma see Graham for a week. Doctor Skinner said that was routine with psychiatric patients. Emma actually asked Archie about that and he confirmed that it was true in most cases.

When the week was up, Emma called Skinner and the doctor was still somewhat hesitant but in the end he agreed to the visit.

"Don't expect much." he said. "We are still trying to find the right medication for him and he's quite hostile."

"I understand that, but I really need to see him."

The doctor sighed, his impatience audible even through the line.

"All right, visiting hours are from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., but I'd like to talk to you before you see him."

"Of course, I'll be there at 2."

The next day, Emma arrived ten minutes before two. The nurse at the reception desk paged Doctor Skinner for her, but then Emma had to wait about twenty minutes, until the doctor arrived.

"I'm sorry but there was an emergency." Skinner apologized as they shook hands, he looked friendly and helpful. "As you know, we diagnosed Mr. Humbert with paranoid schizophrenia. He has delusions and he thinks that we keep him here as a prisoner. Until now, he didn't react too well to medication and he is tends to be very agitated. For this reason, he is on mild sedation. Right now, he can't leave his room and you can meet him only with an orderly there to supervise."

"I understand."

In all honesty, Emma was still stunned about this whole situation. In the last week, her mind wandered back to Graham all the time and to that day at the hospital. When the two doctors had come out, they had agreed that Graham's condition was of psychological origin and Skinner had told already then that he suspected schizophrenia. Emma had asked how that was possible when there had been no sign of mental illness before.

"Sometimes, physical trauma can induce mental illness. I think, that's the case with Mr. Humbert, the encephalitis put a lot of strain on his brain." Had been Skinner's answer, to which Whale and Archie had both nodded.

So, there had been an agreement that Graham needed to be admitted to the psychiatry, and Regina as his emergency contact had agreed.

"I suppose, you know about the procedure the town's council initiated." Skinner continued in their present conversation.

"Yes, I do."

"I think that it would be good if Mr. Humbert heard about it from a friend and he certainly doesn't consider me as one."

"I need to talk to him about it anyway."

"Good. Try to be practical about it."

Emma nodded.

"It would be also useful if he had some personal items in here." Skinner continued. "As far as I know, he has no family, so could you maybe take care of that too?"

"Yes, of course."

"And don't take it personal if he's not very talkative."

"Okay. Thank you, Doctor. I have one more question. Do you have any idea when he could be released?"

"Not yet. As soon as we find the correct medication, I'll be able to give a date. Usually it takes a few weeks to manage that, and a few more after that, until the medicine starts to work."

Doctor Skinner looked around then, and waved an orderly to him.

"This is John, he will escort you the Mr. Humbert and stay there with you."

"Thank you."

The orderly led her to a room, opened the door with a master-key and stepped in before Emma. She followed him into the small room that looked more like a cell than a hospital room with its grey walls and the window so high that it barely let any light in. It definitely brought up a few bad memories for Emma. The furniture was quite sparse: a narrow cupboard on one wall, a table in the corner with two chairs and the bed.

Graham was sitting on the bed with his knees pulled up to his chest and when the orderly and Emma came in, he threw a suspicious glance at them, but mostly at the orderly. John pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. Emma hesitated for a second then carried the other chair to the bedside and sat down, too.

"Hi, Graham." She said.

He looked at her and Emma could see that his eyes were dim. The eye-contact lasted only for a second as he looked away quickly. It seemed that he couldn't keep his focus on one thing too long. His eyes were all over the small room, on the window, on the orderly, on Emma again, on his own hands. Emma bent forward and touched his left hand. He flinched but didn't pull away.

"It's okay." Emma said quietly. "It's just me."

Graham looked at her again, longer this time.

"I didn't think they would let you come here." He said.

He spoke slowly, in a strange staccato rhythm as if pronouncing every single word required exertion.

"This is a hospital Graham, not a prison." Emma said, remembering what Doctor Skinner told her.

His look clearly indicated that he didn't believe that.

Emma didn't want to start an obviously unwanted argument so she asked instead:

"How are you?"

Graham shrugged jerkily but didn't say anything.

"Don't you want to talk to me?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk at all." He said slowly. "Every time I talk, it seems... some... stupid thing comes out. It's because of the pills."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that telling the truth makes me sound crazy. But it seems I can't keep it in."

"You can tell me the truth."

He shook his head vehemently, biting his lower lip as if that would help the words in.

"Okay." Emma decided to change the subject again. "Doctor Skinner said that I could bring in some things for you. What do you need? Clothes, books, toiletries?"

He looked at her for a second then his eyes flickered away again and he shrugged.

"I'm sure it would be nice to wear your own clothes." Emma said, seeing that he was wearing hospital issued pajama pants and a white T-shirt, also with a hospital logo on it. "I'll bring in some."

He nodded, then rubbed at his forehead as if trying to clear away unwanted thoughts.

"I've left a spare key at the station..." he said. "... somewhere. Or you could ask Gold for one if you can't find it."

"Gold?"

"He's my landlord."

He glimpsed at her face and he looked more aware now.

"Do you know when they would let me out of here?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't."

"I'm not crazy." He said.

"But you have been very sick. Your brain was so inflamed Graham that it was actually close to boiling. I've felt it. You need to let them help you."

Throughout Emma's words Graham was shaking his head in denial.

"I know who I am. I know who Regina is. She did this."

Emma had to admit that accusation sounded highly unrealistic and quite paranoid, because how could anyone cause something like this.

"Do you think she poisoned you, or something?" she asked, not wanting to fuel his delusions but feeling the need to be sympathetic.

"She did something to my heart." Graham spoke more to himself than to Emma, now.

Emma of course remembered the evening before Graham's hospitalization. He was looking for his heart then too, in the crypt of Regina's father. He shook his head, then rubbed his forehead again and looked up at Emma.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about that. How are things at the station?" It was a clear attempt to bring the conversation back to normal grounds and Emma complied.

"Fine. There were a few accidents and two brawls at the Rabbit's Hole. I had some trouble with paperwork but I'll manage."

He nodded and actually smiled shortly.

"I know you will. It was a good idea to hire you."

Her hand was still on his and now he turned his hand palm up and squeezed hers.

"Thank you." He said reverently and it reminded Emma of the night he collapsed at the station.

"For what?"

"For coming here. I'm sorry I'm like this."

"This is not your fault. You know that right?"

He just looked at her sadly and didn't answer but at least he kept up eye contact.

"When you go to my apartment..." he started slowly, concentrating on what he wanted to tell. "There's some money in an envelope on my desk. It's the rent. Could you please give it to Mr. Gold?"

"Yes, of course. Can I do anything else for you?"

He smiled longer at that, though it was rather bitter.

"Get me out of here."

"I'm sure you will get better with treatment. Doctor Skinner seems capable. I asked Doctor Hopper about him and he has a good opinion."

Graham didn't answer, just closed his eyes and turned his head away, so Emma changed the topic quickly again. Though, what she had to tell, was probably just as painful.

"We have to talk about something else, though." Emma said. "I'm really sorry to say this, but the town brought a lawsuit to the court to declare you incapable and unsay you from your position."

"And when you say town, you mean Regina." He said dryly, sounding more aware than anytime during their conversation.

"Theoretically, it was the council's decision."

"Yeah, of course." He snorted.

"You should have someone represent you at court. You should hire a lawyer."

"The only lawyer in town is Gold. He's... not someone I would hire. You could represent me."

"I'm sorry but I can't. I was summoned in as representative of the sheriff's department and witness."

"Okay... I can represent myself, then." He said after some consideration.

"Well, I hate to tell you this but Doctor Skinner gave a medical opinion to the judge and he said that you are not fit to appear in front of court, so you won't be allowed there."

Graham pulled away his hand and covered his face, then just sat there silently, for long moments.

"I'm sorry." Emma said, trying to pull him back into the conversation.

He stayed impassive for some more time, then looked up again.

"I have nobody." He declared with a deep desperation.

"That's not true, Graham. When you went missing, the whole town came to help and people are asking about you all the time. Everyone is worried. A lot of people care about you."

"Because they think I'm the sheriff of this town. They never cared before."

Emma didn't really understand what that meant, but as Graham clearly didn't plan on suggesting anyone, she had to come up with something.

"You know what? I'll ask Doctor Hopper to represent you. He's an expert, after all."

In the last days she had a few long conversations with Archie and he seemed genuinely worried about Graham and ready to help in any way possible. Graham just shrugged sluggishly at the suggestion, but Emma chose to be optimistic and took that as agreement.

"All right, I'll ask him, then."

Graham was turning his head away from her again. He was just staring at the bedclothes now and didn't react to Emma's words. When she looked closer, she realized that his eyes went frighteningly blank.

"Graham?" she tried to get back his attention but in vain.

She heard the orderly move the chair and then he was at their side. He flicked his fingers in front of Graham's eyes but Graham didn't even blink at that.

"What's wrong with him?" Emma asked worriedly.

"He has catatonic episodes. He kind of just checks out sometimes. May I?"

"Oh, of course." Emma stood up and pulled away her chair to make space for John.

The orderly handled Graham with surprisingly gentle hands, guiding him to lay down on his side. Graham didn't fight him, he let himself be moved, more like a doll than a human being.

"Is that... normal?" Emma asked

John pulled the covers over Graham then straightened up and turned to Emma with a sympathetic smile.

"I know this looks frightening, but it's a common symptom. I guess the visit is over though, for now. I'm sorry."

Emma threw another glance at Graham's unmoving form and almost empty eyes, then left, her worries not quieted in the least.

ooo

It was hard for Graham to follow conversations. He was happy to see Emma, though, so he tried to stay as focused as possible. It wasn't an easy feast. He didn't know what kind of medicine he was given but they surely made him hazy, and they did nothing for the invading memories.

It was like his mind tried to make up for the time he had to live without memories. And it wasn't just his past he remembered, but the repetitive events of the last twenty-eight years - which was horrifying in its own way - and the false memories of the not-really-existing Graham Humbert, too.

The past twenty-eight years were as if the whole town had lived the different versions of the same stories. The Potts kid getting lost, running away, being kidnapped and Graham finding him again and again. The Stone family committing some crime, causing mayhem, then being arrested but then somehow they were free again. And so on and so on. Things happened all the time but after a few months everything was back at the starting point. And in the deep, there were a few things he still couldn't remember.

Graham wasn't surprised when Emma told him about Regina's new scheme. He still couldn't comprehend what she was aiming at (why didn't she simply kill him?), but he was sure it could be nothing good. She was manipulative and clever and he has never been more than a useful tool for her.

Emma was talking about how he needed someone to represent him at court but his thoughts were focused on Regina. How she could control him, no matter what, how she had power over him even in a world supposedly with no magic...

_"What the hell..." _

_It was his own voice that made him aware of his surrounding. Green, movement, the whispering of the leaves being moved by the wind. He was in the forest. But he had no idea how he got here. _

_His muscles were tense and his arms were sore. As if... He looked down and saw a shovel in his hands._

_He looked at the tool with wonder. _

_"What the hell?"_

_He repeated but there was no answer. He was obviously alone. And he felt... _

_The nausea was sudden and overwhelming. He dropped the shovel, fell to his knees and started retching violently. It seemed to go on for ages, even after there was nothing left in his stomach, his body tried to expel something, so he kneeled there in the grass, his body shaking, his vision blurring. When at last the cramps stopped, he stayed on all fours, panting and trembling._

_After long minutes, he sat back on his heels and looked around. It wasn't hard to realize what he had been doing with the shovel. There was a clearly newly filled in hole only a foot from him. The sight was frightening. He had no doubt that it was a grave._

_Still trembling, he stood, grabbed the shovel and started to dig furiously. His thighs and arms ached with exhaustion but didn't slow down, not until he uncovered the body._

_It was the body of a man, dressed like a hiker. It was the man who arrived in town a few days ago with his son._

_This made no sense. Why would he bury this man out in the forest? He barely knew him and what about the son?_

_Graham felt wetness on his face and he realized that he was crying. _

_There was no realistic explanation for this. He knelt to take a closer look at the body and saw the head wound. The man was shot in the head at close quarters. Graham's hand instinctively went to his weapon and pulled it out. He checked the chamber. Deep down he knew what he would find. One bullet was missing._

_There was no real question about it. He had killed this man. But he didn't remember it. _

_Just a voice... telling him something... ordering him..._

He blinked and felt tears in his eyes. A nurse was sitting on a chair next to him, watching him closely.

"Are you with me, Mr. Humbert?" she asked and stood.

His mouth was dry and even lying on his side, he felt dizzy. He had to close his eyes for a second and when he opened them again the nurse was crouching next to the bed.

"Do you know where you are?" she asked.

He was in Storybrooke's hospital, labeled crazy because Regina wanted just that. He nodded.

"Okay" she picked up a plastic cup from the floor and held it in front of Graham. "Have some water."

"I'll leave you for a second. Will you be all right?"

He nodded again.

"Doctor Skinner will be with you in a moment."

Graham shivered at the mention of the doctor and closed his eyes. He needed to pull himself together. He needed to be more aware if he wanted to get out of here and do something about this whole mess.

When he heard the door open and close, he opened his eyes resolutely and sat up in the bed. Skinner brought an orderly with him who stopped at the door.

"It's good to see you awake again." Skinner said as he sat down on the vacated chair. "Where have you been just now?"

"I was right here." Graham answered.

"I don't think so. To me, it looked like you had a flashback. What did you see?"

"Nothing."

"I see, you still don't want to talk. I hope you will soon realize that I'm not your enemy. I'm here to help you, but to achieve that you need to want my help and you need to open up. You need to admit that you are in a bad place right now."

"I'm in a bad place, all right." Graham said under his nose.

The doctor looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry that I can't convince you with words. It seems we need something more radical. Brian if you would help me, please."

Graham's head jerked up at that. The orderly moved forward and though Graham tried to pull away, there was nowhere to go as both the orderly and Doctor Skinner crowded him and his back was already pressed against the wall. The orderly grabbed Graham's arm and kept it steady while Skinner pulled a syringe from his pocket, pulled the lid off and administered the shot.

Whatever was in the syringe, it was acting fast. The orderly let go and Graham tried to move away but already his movements became uncoordinated, the world tilted and became hazy. He sank back to the bed.

The last thing he saw was Skinner's face, smiling at him paternalistically.

TBC


End file.
